Calvinists--I was predestined to eat the cookie
Pentacostals--Only if one dunks the cookie in the cup of milk of the Holy Spirit can one eat the cookie.
Baptists--we never dunk a freshly baked cookie in milk until it has been out long enough to harden.
Presbyterians--we dunk the cookie when it is out of the oven.
Atheists--Cookies were invented by the government to control people.
Catholics--"hoc est corpus" *eats cookie then drinks milk*
Trinitarians--There is the cookie, the cup, and the milk. In these three does the consumer enjoy the fullness of the dessert.
Oneness--THERE IS ONLY THE COOKIE!!!
Jews--There is but one cookie, and the Laws by which we may properly eat the cookie.
Agnostics--I don't know if there's a cookie or not, but it sure smells nice.
Deists--There is a cookie, but it is not edible.
Pantheists--we are all the cookie and the cookie is all.
Mormons--One day, I will become a cookie.
Muslims--Eat the coookie or die!!
Bhuddists--We must first clear our minds of all outside distractions and focus only on the cookie and the milk. Only then may reach enlightenment of how to dip the cookie in the milk.
Liberal Christians--We must take into consideration that there may not be a cookie, but the flavor that it brings makes believing in it worthwhile.
Paganism--We must offer up the Pillsbury Doughboy as a sacrifice to the great cookie before we may eat it.
Platonists--Any cookie is merely an imperfect Form of the Good Coookie.
Scientologists--Once, there was a great battle between cookies and brownies. The cookies captured and imprisoned the great brownie sunday before being wiped out by the dozens of hydrogen ovens. Now these spirit cookies inhabit other cookies causing the cookie to taste bitter. Oh, and everytime you break a cookie, it screams.
Relativists--Who's to say anything about this so called "cookie." You can't tell me that it tastes good because you can never know.
Dispensationals--There is one way to eat the cookie for Gentiles and a different way to eat the cookie for Jews.
Postmillennialists -- After a thousand years the cookie will be re-baked
Intelligent Design -- There is a cookie therefore there is a chef.
Hindus -- There are over 300,000 cookies, but you must contort your body in order to eat them.
Atheist -- I will not repent and eat the cookie without scientific proof of the so called baker.
Universalism -- in the end ALL will eat the cookie.
Arminians -- I ate the cookie all by myself
Pragmatists -- The Experience of the Dunk is all that Matters.
Existential -- The cookie is whatever kind you truely believe it to be. If you don't believe in a cookie then there isn't one.
Creationists -- God baked the cookie for 6 days and rested on the 7th.
Big Bang Theorists -- we don't know where the ingredients came from, but one day it all mixed together and then was heated up to form what we now know as the cookie.
IRS cookie -- you have to give 35% of your cookie to the gov't. Enjoy the remaining 65%!
Self Esteem -- now doesn't eating the cookie make you feel better about yourself?
Global Warming Activist --"Baking cookies destroys the planet."
Star Wars -- "Use the cookie, Luke!"