Friday, August 07, 2009

Happiness is...

I've always considered myself a happy person, and really I am. But lately I've realized that right now I am the happiest I've ever been. I'll be driving around and realize that all those stupid metaphors about being so happy you could explode are indeed true! I thought I was happy in Korea, and I was really, happy in that I had some amazing friends and students whom I loved. Happy knowing that I was where God wanted me. But's difficult to explain.

I have friends here; new and old. I have a job I mostly love (it has it's moments of frustration but I do enjoy it about 95% of the time). My amazing church. I am always so excited for Sundays; can't wait for them. This weekend I'm in MN hanging out with Joshua while Mum and Dad are away for their anniversary and as I was driving here and realizing I'd be missing Sunday at SVPC I almost wanted to cry. The past several years I've had to force myself to go to church. But now I hate missing it and hate being late and missing the dear sweet fellowship time and the Gospel and Grace-filled preaching and teaching. Last week was communion at SVPC and they asked me to fill in for someone in the Praise and Worship team and I truly felt like I was ministering and worshiping while I was singing. Up till now, no matter the church I've been in I've felt like a seal on display while I was singing and also felt like I was "supposed" to sing. Like people expected me to do it. Last week it was I was worshipping. Like I really was using my talents for God. I did not feel on display at all. It was God who was the focus, not me. Oddly enough I've never been given more compliments about my voice than I have here. Every week at least three people come say something to me. Sometimes more. But again, I don't feel strange saying "God gave me my voice, I'm just giving it back to Him." usually I felt really really strange saying it, like it was fake or something.

But I'm just...happy. About to explode happy. I get the sense that I'm where God wants me to be. He's not done with me yet (I am still living afterall). But He's got me in a great place. I'm in an area I've wanted to live in for a good ten-plus years. I've got a great church. I have great friends near (and far...) and I am living with wonderful people and I have a mostly ok job. I also have a job interview at Macaroni Grill on Wednesday after getting back from MN. They are hiring servers and hostesses and I said I'd do both if it got me more hours. It is to be hoped that I get that job.

What is the verse? "Every good and perceft gift comes from God"? (Joanna paraphrase). I've told my students for the past three years (and I remember the realization when I had it); as a Christian if it comes, it's from God, or at least ordained by Him. So no matter what it is; getting fired from a job, not knowing where you are going to live, getting a place to live rent-free for two months, getting a job with in five days of moving to a new area...finding an amazing Church. It's all from God. So I can't complain. Was I happy in Korea? Yes. But I really and truly am happier here than I've ever been in my life. Things really can only get better ya know?

Those of you who've been praying, thank you so very much! And please keep it up! There are still things to get figured out but He does everything in His time. So you'll hear no complaints from me.

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